White coat. Heels.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would fuck him just for his dog
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
