first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my poor anus
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
