Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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