theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
