You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
