So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
