he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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