We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
