so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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