this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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