that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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