i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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