dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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