He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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