she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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