so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize