Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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