drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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