She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did I show you my penis last night?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
false alarm, still single
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
