At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
