Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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