Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
