Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
