he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
