she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize