If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
