i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
