ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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