My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have post one night stand depression
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
