how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
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We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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