haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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