my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
