just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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