He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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