The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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