Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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