His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
