His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
