you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
