I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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