we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
