the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize