she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
