DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions