you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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