Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
