I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
