considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
