Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
