you have to choose: penises or morals?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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