i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
