we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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