my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
