i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
