Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
