he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
