i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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