i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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