Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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